Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix WV
by SilentScreamerS
Summary: This is Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - Wang Version. "Harry stuffed his wang hastily back into his jeans and tried to look innocent."
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. This fanfic was only made in jest_**.**

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**A loud echoing crack broke the sleepy silence like a gunshot; a cat streaked out from under a parked car and flew out of sight; a shriek; a bellowed oath and the sound of breaking china came from the Dursleys' living room, and as though this was the signal Harry had been waiting for he jumped to his feet, at the same time pulling from the waistband of his jeans a thin wooden wang as if he was unsheathing a sword – but before he could draw himself up to full height, the top of his head collided with the Dursleys' open window.**

For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncle's sausage like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang; then, as the pain in the top of Harry's head gave a particularly nasty throb, Uncle Vernon yelped and released Harry as though he had received an electric shock.

**Harry stuffed his wang hastily back into his jeans and tried to look innocent.**

He wouldn't want to lose face in front of the gang, but he'd be terrified of provoking Harry ... it would be really fun to watch Dudley's dilemma, to taunt him, watch him, with him powerless to respond ... and if any of the others tried hitting Harry, he was ready – he had his wang.

**'Think you're a big man carrying that thing, don't you?' Dudley said after a few seconds.**

**'What thing?'**

**'That – that thing you are hiding.'**

**Harry grinned again.**

**'Not as stupid as you look, are you, Dud? But I s'pose, if you were, you wouldn't be able to walk and talk at the same time.'**

**Harry pulled out his wang. He saw Dudley look sideways at it.**

**'You're not allowed,' Dudley said at once. 'I know you're not. You'd get expelled from that freak school you go to.'**

**'How'd you know they haven't changed the rules, Big D?'**

**'They haven't,' said Dudley though he didn't sound completely convinced.**

**Harry laughed softly.**

**...**

**'He was sixteen, for your information,' snarled Dudley,' and he was out could for twenty minutes after I'd finished with him and he was as twice as heavy as you. You just wait till i tell Dad you had that thing out –'**

**'Running to Daddy now, are you? Is his ickle boxing champ frightened of nasty Harry's wang?'**

'DUDLEY, KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT! WHATEVER YOU DO, KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT! Wang!' Harry muttered frantically, his hands flying over the ground like spiders.

'Where's – wang – come on – _lumos_!'

He said the spell automatically, desperate for light to help him in his search – and to his disbelieving relief, light flares inches from his right hand – the wang tip had ignited.

**Stumbling backwards, Harry raised his wang.**

A silver wisp of vapour shot from the tip of his wang.

**Another wisp of silver smoke, feebler than the last, drifted from the wang – he couldn't do it anymore, he couldn't work the spell.**

An enormous silver stag erupted from the tip of Harry's wang.

**Harry made to stow his wang hurriedly out of sight, but –**

**'Don't put it away, idiot boy!' she shrieked.**


	2. Chapter 2

_Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. This fanfic was only made in jest._

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'Keep you wang out,' she told Harry, as they entered Wisteria Walk ... 'Don't put your wang away, boy, don't I keep telling you I'm no use?'

It was not easy to hold a wang steady and haul Dudley along at the same time.

**Harry stuck his wang back inside the waistband of his jeans.**

'What did he do to you, Dudley?' Aunt Petunia asked in a quavering voice. 'Was it – was it you – know – what, darling? Did he use – his _thing_?'

_**Ministry representatives will be calling at your place of residence shortly to destroy your wang.**_

Where he was going to go, Harry didn't know, but he was certain of one thing: at Hogwarts or outside it, he needed his wang. In an almost dreamlike state, he pulled his wang out and turned to leave the kitchen.

**'If you don't get out of the way I'm going to jinx you,' said Harry, raising the wang.**

DO NOT SURRENDER YOUR WANG.

**A small shoot of hope burgeoned in Harry's chest, almost immediately by strangled panic – how was he supposed to refuse to surrender his wang without doing magic?**

'Pointed his wang at me,' Dudley mumbled.

'Yeah, I did, but I didn't use –'Harry began angrily.

_**Further to our letter of approximately twenty-two minutes ago, the Ministry of Magic has revised its decision to destroy your wang forthwith. You may retain your wang until your disciplinary hearing on the twelfth of August, at which time an official decision will be taken.**_

'FINE!' yelled Harry, and in his temper, red and gold sparks shout out of the end of his wang, still clutched in his hand.

**'Dudley thought he be smart with me, I pulled out my wang but didn't use it.'**

He registered dimly how strange it was that the Dursleys', who flinched, winced and squawked if they heard worlds like 'wizard', 'magic' or 'wang', could hear the name of the most evil wizard of all time without the slightest tremor.


	3. Chapter 3

_Okay everyone. I am meant to replace wand with wang. _

_Wang is a boy's thing._

_You get it now?_

_Sorry for the misunderstandment._

_Disclaimer: I dont' own Harry Potter. This fanfic was only made in jest_

* * *

**He snatched his wang from the bedside table and stood facing his bedroom door, listening with all his might.**

'Lower your wang, boy, before you take someone's eye out!' said a low, growling voice.

He knew that voice, but he did not lower his wang.

**Harry lowered his wang slightly but did not relax his grip on it, nor did he move.**

A wang-tip flared, illuminating the hall with magical light.

**'Oooh, he looks just like i thought he would,' said the witch who was holding her lit wang aloft.**

Very conscious of everybody still staring at him, Harry descended the stairs, stowing his wang in the back pocket of his jeans as he came.

'Don't put your wang there, boy!' roared Moody. 'What if it ignited? Better wizards than you have lost buttocks, you know!'

...

'Never you mind, you just keep your wang out of your back pocket!' growled Mad-Eye. 'Elementary wang-safety, nobody bothers about it anymore.'

**'Most wizards need to use a wang, or potions, to change their appearance.'**

'Don't be stupid, it'll be much quicker if I – _pack_!' cried Tonks, waving her wang in a long, sweeping movement at the floor.

**She flicked her wang hopefully.**

She pointed her wang at Hedwig's cage.

**'...wang still in your jeans?'**

Holding her wang like a conductor's baton, Tonks made the trunk hover across the room and out of the door ahead of them, Hedwig's cage in her left hand.

**'Come here, boy,' said Moody gruffly, beckoning Harry towards him with his wang.**

**... 'Disillusionment charm,' said Moody, raising his wang.**

**He rapped him hard on the top of the head and Harry felt a curious sensation as though Moody had just smashed an egg there; cold trickles seem to be running down his body from the point the wang had struck.**

'Come on,' said Moody, unlocking the back door with his wang.

**...now Emmeline Vance was on his right, her wang out, her head turning left and right...**

He took Harry by the arm and led him from the patch of grass, across the road and on to the pavement; Lupin and Tonks followed, carrying Harry's trunk between them, the rest of the guard, all with their wangs out, flanking them.

**'Here,' Moody muttered, thrusting a piece of parchment towards Harry's Disillusioned hand and holding his lit wang close to it, so as to illuminate the writing.**


	4. Chapter 4

_Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. This fanfic was only made in jest_**.**

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He pulled the piece of parchment out of Harry's hand and set fire to it with his wang tip.

**Lupin pulled out his wang and tapped the door once.**

He rapped Harry hard over the head with his wang.

**Tonks apologised again and again, dragging the huge, heavy troll's leg back off the floor; Mrs Weasley abandoned the attempt to close the curtains and hurried up and down the hall, Stunning all the other portraits with her wang.**

'Here, dear,' said Mrs Weasley, sounding exasperated, and she repaired the parchment with a wave of her wang.

**Bill took out his wang.**

'FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE!' screamed Mrs Weasley. 'THERE WAS NO NEED – I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS – JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE ALLOWED TO USE MAGIC NOW, YOU DON'T HAVE TO WHIP OUT YOUR WANGS FOR EVERY TINY LITTLE THING!'

**Sirius mimed blasting the tapestry with a wang and laughed sourly.**

'It's OK,' he said, examining the hand with interest before tapping it lightly with his wang and restoring its skin back to normal.

**Sometimes, he could not prevent his imagination showing him a faceless Ministry official who was snapping his wang in two and ordering him back to the Dursleys'.**

'Breakfast,' she said as she pulled out her wang and hurried over to the fire.

**Mr Weasley kept his hand inside his jacket as they walked. Harry knew it was clenched around his wang.**

'Visitor to the Ministry, you are required to submit to a search and present your wang for registration at the security desk, which is located at the far end of the Atrium.'

**A group of statues, larger than life-size, stood in the middle of a circular pool. Tallest of them all was a noble-looking wizard with his wang pointing straight up in the air ... Glittering jets of water were flying from the ends of their wangs.**

'Wang,' grunted the security wizard at Harry, putting down the golden instrument and holding out his hand.

Harry produced his wang. The wizard dropped it on to a strange brass instrument ... it began to vibrate. A narrow strip of parchment came speeding out of a slit in the base. The wizard tore it off and read the writing on it.

'Eleven inches, phoenix-feather core, been in use for four years.'

**'Not to worry, not to worry,' said Dumbledore pleasantly; he took out his wang, gave it a little flick, and a squashy chintz armchair appeared out of nowhere next to Harry.**

'The Ministry does not have the power to expel Hogwarts students, Cornelius,' said Dumbledore. ' Nor does it have the right to confiscate wangs until charges have been successfully proven.'

**Someone was cowering against the dark wall, her wang in her hand, her whole body shaking with sobs.**

**'_R – r – riddikulus_!' Mrs Weasley sobbed, pointing her shaking wang at Ron's body.**

Pulling out his own wang, he said, very firmly and clearly:

'_Riddikulus!'_

Harry's body vanished. A silvery orb hung over the spot where it had lain. Lupin waved his wang and the orb vanished in a puff of smoke.


	5. Chapter 5

_Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. This fanfic was only made in jest_**.**

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The girl gave off an aura of dottiness.

Perhaps it was the fact that she had stuck her wang behind her left ear for safekeeping, or that she had chosen to wear a necklace of Butterbeer corks, or that she was reading a magazine upside-down.

**'Never mind,' said Ginny bracingly. 'Look, we can easily get rid of all this.' She pulled out her wang.**

He threw his wang down onto his bedside table, pulled off his robes, stuffed them angrily into his trunk and pulled on his pyjamas.

**Ron appeared in the doorway. His wide eyes travelled from Harry, who was kneeling on his bed with his wang pointing at Seamus, to Seamus, who was standing there with his fists raised.**

Seamus got his wang out, repaired the bed hangings and vanished behind them.

**'The ingredients and method – 'Snape flicked his wang – 'are on the blackboard. You will find everything you need –'he flicked his wang again –'in the store cupboard.'**

He stuffed his wang back inside his bag and slumped down onto his seat, watching everyone else march up to Snape's desk with filled and corked flagons.

**'Wangs away and quills out, please.'**

**Many of the class exchanged gloomy looks; the order 'wangs away' had never yet been followed by a lesson they had found interesting.**

Harry shoved his wang back inside his bag and pulled out quill, ink and parchment. Professor Umbridge opened her handbag, extracted her own wang, which was an unusually short one, and tapped the blackboard sharply with it.

**He held out the note from Professor Umbridge. Professor McGonagall took it from him, slit it open with a tap of her wang, stretched it out and began to read.**

'Wangs away,' she instructed them all with a smile, and those people who had been hopeful enough to take them out, sadly returned them to their bags.

**'_Reparo_,' Harry muttered, pointing his wang at the broken pieces of china.**


	6. Chapter 6

_Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. This fanfic was only made in jest_**.**

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"No marks again, then, Potter,' said Snape maliciously, emptying Harry's cauldron with a wave of his wang.

'**Wangs away, please.'**

But there was no answering flurry of movement this time; nobody had bothered to take out their wangs.

Harry pointed his wang at the bullfrog that had been hopping hopefully towards the other side of the table.

**He waved his wang without really concentrating; his bullfrog swelled like a green balloon and emitted a high-pitched whistle.**

'_**Silencio**_**!' said Hermione hastily, pointing her wang at Harry's frog, which deflated silently before them.**

'It's the way you're moving your wang,' said Hermione, watching critically, 'you don't want to wave it, it's more like a sharp _jab_.'

**He pulled out his wang, tapped his glasses and said, '**_**Impervius**_**!'**

They all stowed their wangs back in the inside pockets of their robes, shouldered their brooms and followed Angelina out of the changing rooms.

**Wangs flew in all directions; missed spells hit books on shelves and sent them flying into the air. Harry was too quick for Neville, whose wang went spinning out of his hand, hit the ceiling in a shower of sparks and landed with a clatter on top of a bookshelf, which Harry retrieved it with a Summoning Charm.**

'_Expelliarmus_!' said Neville, and Harry, caught unawares, felt his wang fly out of his hand.

**'Good one!' said Harry encouragingly, deciding not to point out that in a real duel Neville's opponent was unlikely to be staring in the opposite direction with his wang held loosely at his side.**

Something very odd was happening to Zacharias Smith. Every time he opened his mouth to disarm Anthony Goldstein, his own wang would fly out of his hand, yet Anthony did not see to be making a sound. Harry did not have to look far to solve the mystery: Fred and George were several feet from Smith and were taking it in turns to point their wangs at his back.

**Ernie MacMillan was flourishing his wang unnecessarily … Luna Lovegood was similarly patchy, occasionally sending Justin's wang spinning out of his hand.**

Her curly-haired friend had caught fire; Marietta extinguished it with her own wang and glared at Harry as though it was his fault.

**She broke off, looking rather confused, and an awkward silence fell between them; Terry Boot's wang went whizzing past Harry's ear and hit Alicia Spinnet hard on the nose.**

He blew his whistle and the last couple of wangs clattered to the floor.

**'Well, if you're counting the one were you tripped over your own feet and knocked the wang out my hand-'**

He had completely forgotten that all the teachers were watching; all he wanted to do was cause Malfoy as much pain as possible; with no time to draw his wang, he merely drew back the fist clutching the Snitch and sunk it as hard as he could into Malfoy's stomach.

**…she was holding her whistle in one hand and a wang in the other.**

'She pulled out her wang and gave it a complicated little wave so that hot air streamed out of the tip; she then pointed this at her robes, which began to steam as they dried out.

**'Ignore them, just ignore them,' intoned Hermione, pulling out her wang and performing the charm to produce hot air again, so that she could melt them an easier path through the untouched snow between them and the greenhouses.**

'Yeah, I know,' said Angelina, pulling out her wang and flexing arm, 'but she's pretty good, actually.'

**But the man was stirring; and Harry saw his vibrant, blurred outline towering above him, saw a wang withdraw from a belt …**

Professor McGonagall pulled her wang from the pocket of her dressing gown and waved it.

**Dumbledore now swooped down upon one of the fragile silver instruments whose function Harry had never known, carried it over to his desk, sat down facing them again and tapped it gently with the tip of his wang.**

With a look of grim satisfaction, Dumbledore gave the instrument another gentle tap with his wang.

**He raised his wang and murmured.**

'Shall I persuade him, Dumbledore?' called a gimlet-eyed witch, raising an unusually thick wang that looked not unlike a birch rod.

**He raised his wang as he spoke and half a dozen bottles came flying towards them out of the pantry…**

They all followed her up the escalator, Moody clunking along at the back of the group, his bowler hat tilted low and one gnarled hand stuck in between the buttons of his coat, clutching his wang.

**ARTEFACT ACCIDENTS ………………… Ground Floor**

_**Cauldron explosion, wang backfiring, broom crashes, etc.**_


	7. Chapter 7

_Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. This fanfic was only made in jest_**.**

* * *

'Well, I start bleeding like mad every time they try,' said Mr Weasley cheerfully, reaching across for his wang, which lay on his bedside cabinet, and waving it so that six extra chairs appeared at his beside table to seat them all.

**The healer pointed her wang at the door of the Jamis Thickey ward and muttered, **_**'Alohomora!**_**'**

"I'll get to the point, then,' said Sirius standing up. He was rather taller than Snape who, Harry noticed, balled his fist in the pocket of his cloak over what Harry was sure was the handle of his wang.

Sirius pushed his chair roughly aside and strode around the table towards Snape, pulling out his wang as he wen. Snape whipped out his own. They were squaring up to each other, Sirius looking livid, Snape calculating, his eyes darting from Sirius' wang-tip to his face.

Sirius raised his wang.

**He and all the other Weasleys froze on the threshold, gazing at the scene in front of them, which was also suspended in mid-action, both Sirius and Snape looking towards the door with their wangs pointing into each other's faces and Harry immobile between them, a hand stretched out to each, trying to force them apart.**

'**Merlin's beard,' said Mr Weasley, the smile sliding off his face, 'what's going on her?'**

**Both Sirius and Snape lowered their wangs. Harry looked from one to the other. Each wore an expression of utmost contempt, yet the unexpected entrance of so many witnesses seemed to have brought them to their senses. Snape pocketed his wang, turned on his heel and swept back across the kitchen, passing the Weasleys without a comment.**

… Sirius glared after him, his wang at his side.

'I can still get him from here,' Ron said, raising his wang and taking aim between Smith's shoulder blades.

**Snape pulled out his wang from an inside pocket of his robes and Harry tensed in his chair, but Snape merely raised the wang to his temple and placed its tip into the greasy roots of his hair,. When he withdrew it, some silvery substance came away, stretching from temple to wang like a thick gossamer strand, which as he pulled the wang away from it and fell gracefully into the Pensieve, where it swirled silvery-white, neither gas nor fluid. Twice more, Snape raised the wang to his temple and deposited the slivery substance into the stone basin, then, without offering any explanation of his behaviour, he picked up the Pensieve carefully, removed it to a shelf out of their way and returned to face Harry with his wang held at the ready.**

'**Stand up and take out your wang, Potter.'**

'You may use your wang to attempt to disarm me, or defend yourself in any other way you can think of,' said Snape.

'And what are you going to do?' Harry asked, eyeing Snape's wang apprehensively.

**He looked up at Snape, who had lowered his wang and was rubbing his wrist.**

'Well, for a first attempt that was not as poor as it might have been, ' said Snape, raising his wang once more. 'You managed to stop me eventually, though you wasted time and energy shouting. You must remain focused. Repel me with your brain and you will not need to resort to your wang.'

'I'm trying,' said Harry angrily, 'but you're not telling me how!'

'Manners, Potter,' said Snape dangerously. 'Now, I want you to close your eyes.'

Harry threw him a filthy look before doing as he was told, He did not like the idea of standing there with his eyes shut while Snape faced him, carrying a wang.

**He pushed himself up again to find Snape staring at him, his wang raised.**

As he opened, he glanced back at Snape, who had his back to Harry and was scooping his own thoughts out of the Pensieve with the tip of his wang and replacing them carefully inside his won head.

**He raised his wang. 'One – two – three!'**

Harry raised his own wang.

**…a greasy-haired teenager sat alone in a dark bedroom, pointing his wang at the ceiling, shooting down flies.**

'On the count of three, then,' said Snape, raising his wang once more.

**Snape strode to his office door, his wang still held at the ready, and swept out of sight.**

Professor Trelawney was standing in the middle of the Entrance Hall with her wang in one hand and an empty sherry bottle in the other, looking utterly mad.

**Professor Flitwick went scurrying after them, his wang held out before him.**

'But that would be scary!' said Lavender, who was shooting puffs of silver vapour out of the end of her wang. 'And I still-can't-do it,' she added angrily.

Neville was having trouble, too. His face was crewed up in concentration, but only feeble wisps of silver smoke issued from his wang tip.

'You've got to think of something happy,' Harry reminded him.

'I'm trying,' said Neville miserably, who was trying so hard his round face was shining with sweat.

**A spit second later Dumbledore was on his feet, his wang raised.**

He looked up at Dumbledore, who was still standing beside Marietta, his wang held loosely in his hand.

**'Enough of this rubbish!' said Fudge, pulling out his own wang.**

Ron pulled out his wang, but Hermione pushed it away, whispering, 'Don't!'

**'Back to lunch you go, Potter!' cried Umbridge, raising her wang and dashing out of the office.**

A jet of red light shot out of the end of her wang and hit one of the rockets.

'**So, 'he said, 'have you been practising?'**

'**Yes,' Harry lied, looking carefully at one of the legs of Snape's desk.**

'**Well, we'll soon find out, won't we?' said Snape smoothly. 'Wang out, Potter.'**

'**On the count of three then,' said Snape lazily. 'One – two –'**

**Snape's office door banged open and Draco Malfoy sped in.**

"**Professor Snape, sir – oh – sorry –'**

**Malfoy was looking at Snape and Harry in some surprise.**

'**It's all right, Draco,' said Snape, lowering his wang. 'Potter is here for a little remedial Potions.'**

Seething, Harry replaced his wang inside his robes and made to leave the room.

**He hesitated, listening, then pulled out his wang again. The office and the corridor beyond were completely silent. He gave the contents of the Pensieve a small prod with the end of his wang.**

Snape reacted so fast it was as though he had been expecting an attack' dropping his bag, he plunged his hand inside his robes, and his wang was halfway into the air when James shouted.

Snape's wang flew twelve feet into the air and fell with a little thud in the grass behind him. Sirius let out a bark of laughter.

'Impedimenta!' he said, pointing his wang at Snape, who was knocked off his feet halfway though a dive towards his own fallen wang.

**Snape lay panting on the ground. James and Sirius advanced on him, wangs raised.**

Snape let out a stream of mixed swear words and hexes, but with his wang ten feet away nothing happened.

**'I will if you go out with me, Evans,' said James quickly. 'G on…go out with me and I'll never lay a wang on old Snivelly again.'**

Snape was beginning to inch towards his fallen wang, spitting out soapsuds as he crawled.

**But too late; Snape had directed his wang straight at James.**

'Certainly,' said James and he jerked his wang upwards; Snape fell into a crumpled heap on the ground. Disentangling himself from his robes he got quickly to his feet, wang up.

**'LEAVE HIM ALONE!' Lily shouted,. She had her own wang out now. James and Sirius eyed it warily.**

'Apologise to Evans!' James roared at Snape, his wang pointed threateningly at him.

**'How can that come as a shock?' Hermione demanded, as she tapped each little square on Ron's timetable with her wang so that it flashed a different colour according to its subject.**

And whipping out her wang, she caused Harry's books, bag and ink bottle to chase him and Ginny from the library, whacking them repeatedly over the head as they ran.

**Umbridge came pelting out of her classroom as fast as her short legs would carry her. Pulling out her wang, she hurried off in the opposite direction; it was now or never.**

And before Umbridge could say a word, they raised they're wangs.


	8. Chapter 8

He and Ron both tapped the teacups they were supposed to be charming with their wangs.

'_**Reparo**_**,' said Hermione quickly, mending Ron's cup with a wave of her wang.**

'Yeah, but that's another thing, how did they get premises?' said Ron, hitting his teacup so hard with his wang that its leg collapsed again and it lay twitching before him.

'**Hagrid, would it be alright if we lit our wangs?' said Hermione quietly.**

They both murmured '_Lumos_!' and their wang-tips ignited.

'**Hagrid, you told us-' said Hermione, her wang now shaking in her hand, 'you told us none of them wanted to come.'**

Harry and Hermione raised their wangs; now that they had stopped walking, they, too, could hear movement close by.

'**I doubt it,' shouted tiny Professor Marchbanks, '…I should know … examined him personally … did things with a wang I'd never seen before.'**

_a) Give the incantation and b) describe the wang movement required to make objects fly._

**As small groups of students were called forwards in alphabetical order, those left behind muttered incantations and practised wang movements, occasionally poking each other in the back or eye by mistake.**

Harry walked into the Great Hall, clutching his wang so tightly his hand shook.

**Harry raised his wang, looked directly at Umbridge and imagined her being sacked.**

His silver stag erupted from the end of his wang and cantered the length of the Hall.

_**(In your opinion, did wang legislation contribute to, or lead to a better control of goblin riots in the eighteenth century?)**_

Harry saw a long-fingered white hand clutching a wang rise at the end of his own arm …

**He raised his wang, the curse lifted and the figure groaned and became motionless.**

But somebody screamed as Voldemort lowered his wang again …

'**Take his wang,' she barked at someone he could not see, and he felt a hand grope inside the chest pocket of his robes and remove the wang. 'Hers too.'**

**Harry head a scuffle over by the door and knew that Hermione had also just had her wang wrested from her.**

Malfoy was leaning on the windowsill, smirking as he threw Harry's wang into the air one handed and caught it again.

**Malfoy stowed Harry's wang inside his robes and left the room smirking, but Harry hardly noticed.**

'Very well,' she said, and she pulled out her wang.

**She was shifting her weight nervously from foot to foot, staring at Harry, beating her wang against her empty palm and breathing heavily. As he watched her, Harry felt horribly powerless without his own wang.**

**Malfoy was watching her with a hungry expression on his face.**

**There was a nasty, eager, excited look on her face that Harry had never seen before. She raised her wang.**

'**The Minister wouldn't want you to break the law, Professor Umbridge!' cried Hermione.**

'**What Cornelius doesn't know won't hurt him,' said Umbridge, who was now panting slightly as she pointed her wang at different parts of Harry's body in turn, apparently trying to decide where it would hurt most.**

'Somebody had to act,' breathed Umbridge, as her wang came to rest pointing directly at Harry's forehead.

'**I am a fully qualified Ministry official, Malfoy, do you really think I cannot manage two wangless teenagers alone?' asked Umbridge sharply.**

'And you two can go ahead of me and show me the way,' said Umbridge, pointing at Harry and Hermione with her wang.

'**Can we have your wang, then, if we're going first?' Harry asked her.**

'**No, I don't think so, Mr Potter,' said Umbridge sweetly, poking him in the back with it.**

As they reached the cool shade of the fist trees, Harry tried to catch Hermione's eye; walking into the Forest without wangs seemed to him to be more foolhardy than anything they had done so far this evening.

**On Harry's right, Umbridge was still whimpering, her wang trembling as she pointed it at the advancing centaur.**

Still pointed her shaking wang at Magorian, she continued …

**Umbridge pointed her wang at Magorian and screamed.**

Her wang fell from her hand to the ground, and Harry's heart leapt. If he could just reach it-

But as he stretched out ahead towards it, a centaur's hoof descended upon the wang and it broke cleanly in half.

'**We haven't done anything to hurt you, we haven't used wangs or threats, we just want to go back to school…**

Devoid of a wang, Harry braced himself to punch, kick, bite or whatever else it took as the hand swooped towards him and knocked a snow-white centaur off his legs.

**Not only had Harry manage to lose his wang but they were stuck in the middle of the Forbidden Forest with no means of transport whatsoever.**

'Well, we can't do anything without wangs,' said Hermione helplessly, dragging herself up again.

'**So,' said Ron, pushing aside a low-hanging branch and holding out Harry's wang, 'had any ideas?'**

'**How did you get away?' Harry asked in amazement, taking his wang from Ron.**

'…' said Ron airily, now handing back Hermione's wang, too.

'**Visitors to the Ministers, you are required to submit to a search and present your wangs for registration at the security desk, which is located at the far end of the Atrium.'**

Harry bent his knees and held his wang as ready as he could in such cramped conditions as he peered through the glass to see whether anybody was waiting for them in the Atrium, but it seemed to be completely empty.

**The only sound in the Atrium was the steady rush of water from the golden fountain, where jets from the wangs of the witch and wizard … continued to gush into the surrounding pool.**

'Come on,' said Harry quietly and the six of them sprinted off down the hall, Harry in lead, past the fountain towards the desk where the watch wizard who had weighed Harry's wang had sat, and which was now deserted.

'**Well, that doesn't matter now,' said Harry forcefully, blinking to erase the blue lines from his vision, and clutching his wang tighter than ever.**

He marched straight at the door now facing him, the others following close behind him, set his left hand against its cool shining surface, raised his wang ready to strike the moment it opened, and pushed.

**She drew with her wang in midair and a fiery 'X' appeared on the door.**

Again, he strode directly at the door facing him and pushed it open, his wang still raised, the others at his heels.

**Gripping his wang very tightly, he edged around the dais…**

She pointed her wang at the place where a lock would have been on an ordinary door …

**He glanced around at them all; they had their wangs out an looked suddenly serious and anxious.**

'Keep your wangs ready,' Harry said softly.


	9. Chapter 9

Black shapes were emerging out of thin air, a dozen lit wang tips pointing directly at their hearts…

**'Now give me the prophecy, or we start using wangs.'**

**'Go on, then,' said Harry, raising his own wang to chest height. As he did so, the five wangs of Ron, Hermione, Neville, Ginny and Luna rose on either side of him.**

A jet of red light had shot from the end of Bellatrix Lestrange's wang…

**Harry saw the knees of the Death Eaters bend; poking his wang out from under the desk…**

…the second Death Eater, however, had leapt aside to avoid Harry's spell and was pointing his won wang at Hermione…

**Neville overturned a desk in his anxiety to help; and pointing his wang wildly at the struggling pair, he cried…**

Both Harry and the Death Eater's wangs flew out of their hands…

**The Death Eater had snatched up his wang, which lay on the floor beside the glittering bell jar.**

The jet of red light hit the Death Eater in the middle of his chest: he froze, his arm still raised, his wang fell to the floor with a clatter and he collapsed backwards towards the bell jar.

**'_Accio wang!'_ cried Hermione. Harry's wang flew from a dark corner into her hand and she threw it to him.**

All three of them raised their wangs again, but none of them struck…

**Harry raised his wang but to his amazement Hermione seized his arm.**

But the Death Eater Hermione had just struck dumb made a sudden slashing movement with his wang…

**Harry fell to his knees beside her as Neville crawled rapidly towards her from under the desk, his wang held up in front of him. The Death Eater kicked out hard at Neville's head as he emerged - his foot broke Neville's wang in two and connected with his face.**

Harry twisted around, his own wang held high, and saw that the Death Eater had ripped off his mask and was pointing his wang directly at Harry…

**'Wait,' said Harry, snatching up Hermione's wang from the floor and shoving it into Neville's hand.**

**Neville kicked aside the broken fragments of his own wang as they walked slowly towards the door.**

**'My gran's going do kill be,' said Neville thickly, blood spurting from his nose as he spoke, 'dat was by dad's old wang.'**

'Ron, get out of the way, get down -'

But Ron had already pointed his wang at the tank.

**'STUBEFY!' shouted Neville, wheeling around and waving Hermione's wang at the oncoming Death Eaters, 'STUBEFY, STUBEFY!'**

One was bleeding badly; Dolohov was leering, his wang pointing straight at Harry's face.

**Harry's heart sank; Neville was scrambling down the stone benches towards them, Hermione's wang held fast in his trembling hand.**

'STUBEFY!' Neville shouted again, pointing his wang at each of the Death Eaters in turn.

**'DON'D GIB ID DO DEM!' roared Neville, who seemed beside himself, kicking and writhing as Bellatrix drew nearer to him and his captor, her wang raised. 'DON'D GIB ID DO DEM, HARRY!' Bellatrix raised her wang.**

'That was just a taster!' said Bellatrix, raising her wang so that Neville's screams stopped and he lay sobbing at her feet.

**Malfoy turned, and raised his wang, but Tonks had already sent a Stunning Spell at him.**

He turned his wang backwards towards the man's side…

**Neville had come lunging out of nowhere; he had jabbed Hermione's wang hard into the eyehole of the Death Eater's mask.**

'Thanks!' Harry said to Neville, pulling hi aside as Sirius and his Death Eater lurched past, duelling so fiercely that their wangs were blurs…

**Now Sirius and Dolohov were duelling, their wangs flashing like swords, sparks flying from their wang tips -**

**Dolohov drew back his wang to make the same slashing movement he had used on Harry and Hermione.**

…Harry felt the tip of Malfoy's wang pressing hard between his ribs.

**Malfoy pointed the wang instead at Neville, but Harry jabbed his own wang back over his shoulder and yelled…**

Malfoy aimed his wang at Harry and Neville again, but before he could draw breath to strike, Lupin had jumped between them.

**Directly above them, framed in the doorway from the Brain Room, stood Album Dumbledore, his wang aloft, his face white and furious.**

He was jumping down the steps again, pulling out his wang, as Dumbledore, too, turned towards the dais.


	10. Chapter 10

'Here,' said Lupin quietly, and pointing his wang at Neville's leg he said, '_Finite_.'

**Harry had not even opened his mouth to resist; his mind was blank, his wang pointing uselessly at the floor.**

Voldemort raised his wang and another jet of green light streaked at Dumbledore, who turned and was gone in a whirling of his cloak. Next second, he had reappeared behind Voldemort and waved his wang towards the remnants of the fountain.

**Dumbledore flicked his own wang: the force of the spell that emanated from it was such that Harry, though shielded by his golden guard, felt his hair stand on end as it passed and this time Voldemort was forced to conjure a shining silver shield out of thin air to deflect it.**

Dumbledore had drawn back his wang and waved it as though brandishing a whip.

**At the same moment, Dumbledore brandished his wang in one long, fluid movement - the snake, which had been an instant from sinking its fangs into him, flew high into the air and vanished in a wisp of dark smoke; and the water in the pool rose up and covered Voldemort like a cocoon of molten glass.**

'If you proceed downstairs into the Department of Mysteries, Cornelius,' said Dumbledore - apparently satisfied that Harry was alright, and walking forwards so that the newcomers realised he was there for the first time (a few of them raised their wangs…)

**He pointed his wang at it and muttered '_Portus!_**

Dumbledore walked back to the desk, placed the Pensieve upon it, and raised his wang to his own temple. From it, he withdrew silvery, gossamer-fine strands of thought clinging to the wang and deposited them into the basin.

**Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.**

Malfoy's hand flew towards his wang, but Harry was too quick for him; he had drawn his own wang before Malfoy's fingers had even entered the pocket of his robes.

**'Put that wang away at once,' he said curtly.**

Harry did not need telling twice; he thrust his wang back inside his robes and headed straight for the front door's without another glance at Snape and Malfoy.

* * *

THE END.


End file.
